To Hollywood!
by Micaityl
Summary: Captain Yamamoto send all of the soul reapers on a trip to Hollywood. Of course, everything goes wrong. Mostly written in Ukitake and Renji's view.
1. Airport

**Captain Yamamoto made a disscuion about letting the Captains and lueitentdants ( and the the 3rd and 4th seats of 11th and 13th company. Renji also brought Rukia.) of each squad to come on a vacation to Hollywood. (This is before Aizen goes to the Hueco Mundo)**

(Renji's point of view)

At the airport check in I have to be a pretend father of Rukia, Toshiro, and Momo, and Rangiku has to pretent to be my wife. I thought in my head "Ugh can this trip get any worse." Gin appeared behind us. "Let's see. Here's the family!"

I said "Shut up you stupid eyed idiot."

"Hey that's not nice to say to your friend."

" Who said I was your friend."

"Captain Yamamoto."

This is already a bad day. We went on ahead. The police man behind the desk said " Let me see your tickets." I gave him his tickets. The police repiled "There's no age." I said " Well I'm 29 and she is 32." Rangiku then said "Guess the kids ages!"

The police pointed at Rukia. He said "She's 12." Then he said Momo was 9. Then he called Toshiro 5. Toshiro said " 5!" He got out of his gigai and froze the cop with his zanpakto. Then he got back in his gigai saying " He'll thaw in 5 hours." Rangitku said "5 hours. I get it you made it 5 hours because you are 5!" Toshiro yelled "Rangiku!"

(Captain's Ukitake point of view)

Me, Shunsui, Nanao, and Yamamoto were at a table waiting for food. Shunsui said "Nanao can you yell at the waiter to get over here." Nanao said "No! Because if i leave you are going to go hang out with that ladies at that table over there!"

"Nanao why would I do that?"

"I know you."

The waiter finally came. The waiter asked "Can I get your drinks?" Yamamoto said " Can I have some Green tea that's not really green."

"Sorry, But last week we changed Green tea's color to green ."

"Green tea? Well that flavor sucks can I have some iced tea."

" Sorry sir we ran out of iced tea."

"You ran out! Just make some!"

"Sir we can not make it!"

"WHY!"

" Because we can't its my bosses orders!"

"Okay I could have some water with a bit of green tea."

"I'm so quitting this job."

We ordered our drinks, and I tipped over some salt. Shunsui said "In this human world book I'm reading it says that a guy tipped over salt, and he didn't cure it so he had bad luck." I said "Well how to fix it!"

"The book says to cure it throw pepper on your face."

I threw pepper on my face but it got in my eyes since they were open. I got up and said "I can't see! I can't see!" Then I faceplanted on something metal or hard plastic. I think i got got a bloody nose.

Finally the pepper finally got out of my eyes and I found out I hitted someone's table. I said "Sorry I was blind for a little bit." I broke my nose on my faceplant. Then i got back to the table. I said "Shunsei am I going to have bad luck now?" He repiled "Your in the blue."

"So how was the book."

"I'm still on chapter three."

"How many chapters dose it have."

" 29!"

"Can I read that after you."

"Don't you have a book."

"No I need to buy one."

Later after lunch I bought a book that's about some kids going to some games to fight. It was called "The Hunger Games". Captain Yamamoto said that we all have to buy a book and read it while on this trip. Konomaru can't because his gigai made him a fox. So we have to put him in a pet carrier. Poor guy. I bought him some fishy treats to make him feel better.

I saw Kenpachi buying the same book that I bought, and Renji also picked that book. I didn't know that book was that good. Yumichicka bought some book about how to be really beauitful. Ikkaku bought "Twilight" for some reason. Yachiru bought "Candy land" (LOL)

(Rukia's point of view)

To get on the plane took forever. All the people who came on this trip have to be on the same plane. The plane was going off into the sky. The pilot said on this microphone "Welcome on this flight to Baltimore." Oh crap we got on the wrong plane.


	2. The suckish plane trip Part 1

**The pilot said on the microphone thingy "Welcome on this flight to Baltimore!" **

(Rukia's point of view)

"We're going to Baltimore? This is the wrong plane". Renji said "That's why this plane had two stories." I said "I bet the captains are mad." Unohana right behind us said "Well we have to get cars. Am I right." We both say "Yes!"

(Momo's point of view.)

Crap this trip is already ruined. Well i'm really mad. Because I'm sitting in the back. Only Mayuri and Nemu are the only soul reapers with me in the back. I'm sitting on the side seat with a kid at the window and the kid's mom in the middle seat.

My book was in my backpack under the seat in front of me, and hear a guy crapping behind me because the bathroom is behind us. Why can't I sit in First class with Aizen. Well this vacation was supposed to be paradise, but its torture because we're on the wrong plane.

Then I finally pulled out my book. The book I was reading was about some greek thing. When I started reading that mom next to me said "Read that book somewhere else you are nearby a child." I said "Lady you should not pay attention to me and do what you were doing."

"No because that book is bad!"

" It only talks about blood. What's your deal."

"Blood is bad for my 3 year old."

Great this woman won't shut up. I hate this plane. I kept reading while the woman nagged. Then I heard Mayuri having a fight with the people who control the plane. Then I heard slapping.

I looked up then when I knew it the police arrested Mayuri. Now I think Mayuri will find a way to get away from him. 45 minutes later I saw Mayuri came back. It seemed like he took off his makeup to get away from the cops.

(Ukitakes point of view)

I have some bandages on my nose, and I finally started my book. Earlier I heard yelling from the back of the plane. I'm sitting next to Shunsuei and Nanao. Nanao is in the middle and I took the window. We're in the coach. I wish first class. Because Gin was yelling something like WOO! HOO! HOT TUB! I want to be in a hot tub.

I'm still in the beguining of the book. It kinda like the thirteen court Guards, but they blew up the thirteenth district. So I would hate it if it happend at the Soul Soceity.

(Komamura's point of view.)

My gigai sucks. Because I'm in a pet carrier in the back on a plane. there's is 4 other dogs that are back here. All the dogs are going insane because some cat was in here. I said "This sucks." The cat said "I know." Woah I can commitcate with animals here in this gigai.

(Gin's point of view)

Its 8:00pm on this plane. The plane took off at 4:00pm. So 8 more hours to go. This plane they say is the first plane ever to have a hot tub installed. I'm in first class with Byakuya, Yamamoto, Aizen, and me. Then i got in the hot tub. it seemed like the hot tub was heavy cause when Aizen and Yamamoto got in it flipped over its side and Yamamoto and I got out. It flipped up side down . Aizen was trapped under it.

Aizen yelled "Help! I'm drowning!" Yamamoto repiled "A foot of water came out so pop your head on top of the water."

"Are you going to get me out?"

I tried to lifting it up with everyone but it was too heavy. Well Aizen will die after all. Then the hot tub fell through the floor. Luckly it landed in front on the passengers. Not on the passengers. Aizen was halfway out. His head was still trapped, though.


	3. part 2 and the drag race

**They finally got Aizen out, but the trip just gets worse**

(Renji's POV)

Ugh a hot tub falling serilosly. Now i have to pee. So i go to the front of the plane and opened the door. It was the wrong door since I saw some sky. I tired shutting the door, But then I flew out the door.

So then I caught a window. It was my captains window. I shoved my head on the window yelling "HELP! HELP!" The only thing he did was took one look and shut the window!

Then I let go.

(Momo's POV)

I was about to finshed the book when I saw Renji flying by the window. The kid said "Mommy superman is by our plane." Renji was gone by the time the mom looked. "No son there wasn't a flying guy. Superman is not real. The only thing that is real is the rude girl next to us." Said that idiot mom. I said "You're such a idiot lady."

(Aizen's POV)

We landed and we rushed out of there with our luggage and a passed out Renji. Because Yachiru set off fireworks inside the airport. We all got in septerate Rental RV'S. I feel like we forgot someone.

We're in the 1-5 sqauds RV. I'm in shotgun with Gin driving. When we got to a stoplight a guy in the car next to us put his thumb up. Gin thumbbed up him too. I said "I think you said yes to a drag race."

Gin started to shake his head. Then the guy got angry. When the stoplight went green we drove off then the drag racer guy started bumping out RV from the side. Then someone started bumping us from the behind. I asked "Momo see who's behind us."

She sticked her head out the window and she said "GHreat it the lady from the plane that I called idiot." Soi Fon threw ninja stars at the wheel of the car on the angry womans. She popped the wheel and the car stopped.

Then Gin found a way to get rid of the drag racer. He drove off the ramp of a closing draw brige. Luckally we made it.

(Renji POV)

I woke up in a RV. I said "Where are we?" Nanao said "A RV in traffic." On TV it was talking about a new red dingo at the Boston Zoo. Now we have to et Captain Komamura out of the dingo cage at that Zoo.


	4. BOOM!

**The 10th through 13th squad by order had to stop at a RV lot nearby Hershey land and some place that sells dynamite... **

(Ukitakes POV)

Well I'm on the side of RV reading my book. We're probully staying here for two days because the other two RV's are making people escape from places. One RV has to get Komamura, and the other one has to get Gin out of jail. Poor guys.

I really wanted to read the book Shunsui is reading because this book is about kids killing kids. Captain Yamamoto made us read books so I have to stay with one. The Rv was parked in front of Hershey land because of the RV lot was too full.

Later on I diecided to go into the park to get lunch. In the parking lot Mayuri was diesecting this dude's car. That guy is going to be mad when he can't drive his car.

(Rangiku's point of view)

I finally got Toshiro to go on a roller coaster with me. I picked the ride that had a lot of loopty loops. The employee in front of this small connecting cars said "Sorry but kids have to ride with a adult."

I said "I'm his mom." Toshiro yelled "Rangiku!"

(Rukia's POV)

I ate with Captain Ukitake. He's almost finshed with his book. I know because he looks like he's going to cry. I wonder why. Well I bought lunch since it seems like Ukitake was busy reading.

Then I heard a loud boom.

(Nemu's POV)

Uh oh. Master Mayuri blew up this guy's car. Then I heard a louder boom. This time it wasn't master. It came from the dynomite place.

(Ukitake's POV)

Well we had to escape to some farm in Ohio becuase we blew up the Dynomite shop, and part of the Hershey land parking lot. My book had a sad ending. I don't want to talk about it to anyone. I have to drive. Then I saw the fuel thingy go near E.

I screamed "HOLY CRAP THE CAR IS ON E!" Mayuri who was next to me said " What dose E mean." Ikkaku said "Ending?" Rangiku screamed "AHH! THE CAR IS GOING TO BLOW UP!" We stopped the car and ran a mile away from it. 6 hours later the car didn't blow up.

Toshiro said "Matsumoto you idiot it meant empty." Then a cow went nearby us. Kenpachi yelled "ALIEN!" So he pulled dynomite out of his pocket then threw it at that poor cow. The cow blew up and so we had to go to the next stop to get gas and stay at the RV lot.


	5. Truth or Dare

**In the 1st-5th sqaud got Gin back, and when Captain Yamamoto drives. It drive's him crazy...**

(Aizen's POV)

We all bored and there was nothing during the day on this televistion thing. So Gin said we should play a party game. Wrong idea. Now everyone wants to play some games. Soi Fon diecided not play when someone said spin the bottle. I said "What about truth or dare." So everyone got in a circle. I said "Momo truth or dare." Momo said "Dare."

"I dare you to drink Moutain Dew without stopping until you get to the 5th bottle."

She actally did it! But then she puked all over the bathroom door. Gin said "You missed the toilet." Momo repiled "Don't make me puke on you."

"Now would that be nice?"

"You suck."

Then Momo quitted the game. I think the mountain Dew made her a bit angry not hyper. So then Soi Fon said "Izuru truth or dare." Izuru said "Truth since I know you're just going to make me do something stupid."

"I won't let you stupid except letting me kill you."

Izuru fainted. Well I wanted to know the thing Soi Fon wanted to say. Well the game went on. Then Gin asked "Aizen truth or dare." I reiled "Dare."

Gin said "Go on top of the RV and sing "I'm sexy and Know it"

"Truth now.'

"Is it true that you are afraid to do the dare."

"No."

"Then do it."

"Fine i'll do it."

Momo said "Aizen don't you're going to get hit by something then get yelled at by the cops." I said "Momo just watch."

I went on the RV roof and then I duct taped a video camera stand with a video camera in front of the place I was doing it. Then Gin turned up the portable radio from the window and it started up. Then I started singing. Some guy threw a Coke can at my face and yelled "YOU SUCK AT SINGING!" But I kept on doing it. Then the cops came and they were shooting trainquilzers at me. "OH CRAP!" I yelled. So then i took the video camera then started to crawl through the RV's open window and yelled "Speed up the car Captain Yamamoto! Speed up!" Then when I got almost got in when I got shocked and then I faded out.

(Momo's POV)

Oh no! Then police tazed Captain Aizen! Gin pulled him in then I puked all over Gin's pillow. Gin said "Nooo! That wasn't nice Momo. Now I have to dry this out." He deserved it.  
(Shunsuesi's POV)

We got Komamura out of that freaking zoo. I was going to get some ladies to come with us, but Nanao whacked me and dragged me by the ear to the car. Then I said "Who wants to play spin the bottle while we drive to the RV lot in Ohio!" Nanao pulled out a boat paddle that was somehow the RV. Then she whacked me with it. I said "Lovely Nanao that is against the law, and what will happen when the police figure out?" She replied "You can't use it at this school thing but there is no law for it here!" Then whacked me more.


	6. A Wrong Turn

**Well they all finally got to Ohio, but not the 6th through 9th sqaud RV...**

(Shuhei POV)

Oh no. Byakuya drove us to Niagara Falls. Well its almost night so the captains said we're going to spend a night here.

(Shunsuei POV)

Yay! Good looking lady's. My heart is pounding really hard. I tried running to them, but Nanao whacked with with the paddle. I think that's her new weapon.

(Renji's POV)

"Byakuya you **IDIOT** you're sudposed to bring us to a place in Ohio not here!" i yelled. He repiled "Well we atleast have a pool here at the RV lot."

"That's the falls."

"You want to swim?"

"At the 5 star hotel's in Ohio yes."

Then Captain Byakuya shoved me in the barrel. Then something threw me. I looked through a little peep hole in the barrel and I saw water. Rushing water. Oh crap I think I'm going down the falls. Then I felt like I was going down.

(Konomaru POV)

Oh my god. I think someone in a barrel went down Niagara falls. I heard screaming. I think that's Renji. When he got the bottom of the falls his fangirls dragged him out and dragged him to thier car. Poor Renji he's going to somewhere.

(Renji's POv)

The fan girls kidnapped me. Then I saw a 5 star hotel. Are we in Ohio. So I opened the back of the car and rolled out. The car drove away. I ran the the hotel hoping that everyone was there. I got in and I figured out it was 5:00 pm, and it was 8:00pm when we got to Niagara falls. I asked the guy at the desk "What state is this?" He repiled "Las Vegas Nevada."

"What day it is?"

"Sunday."

It was Friday when they took me. How fast is that car? So then I pulled out my soul pager and called Rukia. Rukia said "Hi Renji I heard that you're trapped in traffic in Kentucky." I said "No the fan girl kidnapped me and I'm now in Las Vegas."

"How fast is that car?"

"I know."

"Well this vacation is jacked up. Kenpachi blew up a cow and oh no a cow field."

(Rukia's POV)

I hung up. We're in Kentucky and we're are nearby a cow field. So Kenpachi went crazy and threw 3 TNT sets the the field. Then it blew up leaving one cow alive. Poor farmer. Well, at least he doesn't have to milk all of the cows anymore.


	7. OFF ROAD!

**I scremed "What's wrong with the steering wheel!" Rukia tried to help turn it but it kept going. The steering wheel won't move!**

(Ukitake's POV)

(2 hours ago 10:57 pm)

I got tried of driving so I let Mayuri drive. Mayuri slept the whole day yesterday. Now we're are in Canada. Kenpachi drove us North because he thought it was West. Rukia figured out when Kenpachi drove over a flag in the North Pole. Yachiru was freaking out because he was afraid he'll kill Santa so he went a little to the East. Then I drove to all the way to the country line to the West.

(12:36 am)

I was asleep until I heard a scream. The scream was that we were going to hit a tree! I ran to the wheel where Rukia was there. WHEN DID RUKIA GET THERE. I got Rukia in the passenger seat and drove the car, and then I think I ran over a tree branch because there was a big thud. Yachiru woke up and screamed "WE RAN OVER SANTA! WE RAN OVER SANTA! WE RAN OVER SANTA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I said "It was a tree branch." The a turn was there and I could't turn the streering wheel. I scremed "What's wrong with the steering wheel!" Rukia tried helping me turn it but it kept going. The steering wheel won't move!

I yelled "MAYURI DID YOU DISSECT THE STEERING WHEEL!" He repiled "yes." Rukia said "CAPTAIN KUROTSUCHI HOW DO WE FIX THE WHEEL!" Mayuri said "You don't." I yelled "WHAT!" Then we drove through a pumpkin patch and then a forest. When we got out of forest there was a sign saying "WElCOME TO WASHINGTON!" We got past Canada now I have to stop the car before we hit a city.

I stomped on the brakes then the car stopped finally. "Phew." I said. Then I got out of the car and the police was there. I said "Hello police our car steering whell whouldn't move so we couldn't stop the car. The police went past me and arrested Mayuri. Mayuri screamed going into the police car "WAIT! I wasn't drinving the car!" The police man said "We're arresting you because you were creeping people out."

The police car went away. Then Rukia said "Let's get a new RV." Nemu said "What about Captain Mayuri?"

"He'll find a way out."

"Of the car."

"No. Probully the mental institute they are bringing him to."

I said "Why are they sending him to a mental instiute?" Rukia repiled "Because the things he dissected in the public." Oh god.


	8. some idiot things

**I showed the people in my RV the movie I made.**

(Shunsui POV 12:48 am)

After playing it every one cried. Except for Nanao. Byukuya said "Give me a tissue." Nanao said "You made that based off you and me did you." I said "No lovely Nanao."

"You used that life sized real life dolls that Mayuri gave you for everyone even me in that movie."

"What. Why would I do that."

"Because you're a GIRL LOVING MANIC!"

"I don't like every girl I see."

"YES YOU DO YOU FREAK WHO LOVES CASINOS AND LADIES!"

"You're lying about the casino part."

"No I'm not."

"Did you say 'oh I'm hot'."

Nanao pulled out the paddle. I said "Lovely Nanao you do not have to do that again." She didn't listen then she whacked me. Byakuya got out of the driver's seat and said "What futile things are going on back here?" The car started wobbling. I yelled "Byukuya get back to the wheel!"

Tosen had to grab the wheel and stop the car. We heard some screaming.

(Shuhei POV 12:51 am)

Me, and Byakuya got out of the car. and looked who screamed. It was...

(Gin POV 2:15)

I was almost asleep at the wheel. Aizen was asleep in the passenger seat. On the radio station it was playing commercials. It was quiet. The a song played really load (The song was Turkish Delight, one of the Blach soundtracks.) I jumped. Aizen jumped and broke the windsheld and falled out of the car. I stopped the car. I almost ran over him.

Momo was awake because of the song and she ran up to me and said "WHAT WAS THAT!" I repiled "Don't know." Then "Ranbu no Meldoy" played. Momo said "Aizen where's he?"

"Fell out of the car."

"WHAT!"


	9. Finale!

**It's the final chapter! **

(Ukitake's POV)

Everyone that went on the trip and sqaud 4 were at Aizen's funreal. In Hollywood. Mayuri-

Well, he's still in prison.

Momo was crying poor girl. Komamura is tied up in front of funreal home. Poor guy. And me I'm siiting here next to Byukuya. He just sat there wearing a blank expression. I said "Captain Kukichi, the funeral is about to start. Hello?" I poked him. He just sat there. Then he snored.

Who knew that the 6th divison captain could sleep with his eyes open? He must've had rough day. Poor guy.

(Aizen's POV)

What the heck. Why am I in a box. Plus why are people crying. Then a guy said "Thank you for attending Soksue Aizen's funeral!" What! I'm alive! Then I kept on trying to kick my self out of the coffin.

(Ukitake's POV)

"Dude wake up!" I whispered. He still didn't. Then the coffin was opened. Aizen jumped out of it.

Aizen yelled "I'm alive!" Momo ran to him, and hugged him. I said to Byakuya "Aizen's alive!" He woke up and acted like he wasn't sleeping.

Yamaoto said "Aizen is alive!"

Byukuya said "Did Aizen Die?" I said

"Yeah, he's alive." Kenpachi sighed.

Soi Fon said "No more ryhmes and I mean it!"

Gin said "Does anyone want a peanut?"

Everyone looked at Gin. Soi Fon was ticked off.

"What? The Princess Bride is a good movie!" Everyone nodded.

Momo said "I love that you are alive!"

Aizen said "Get off me! Where are we?"

"Watch it, you're ryhming." Soi Fon pulled out her Suzumebachi.

Yamamoto said " Soi Fon, put that away. Aizen, we are at Hollywood."

"Already?"

"Yeah."

"What should we do now?"

"Go sleep." Everyone agreed.

That night I had a dream where I was buried alive. I screamed and woke up. I saw Rukia eating a pie. Mastumoto painting a picture, and Yumichicka crying while reading "Twilight". Well Hollywood might be fine. Let's wait and see.

**Thanks for reading. Sequel: At Hollywood coming soon!**

_**Note: I have a poll on my page asking about which one of the stories I've written/am writing that you like best. Please vote!**_


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